Family – Our Window to the World

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“The family is the first essential cell of human society.”– Pope John XXIII

We live in a time when the foundation of family and its significance are more critical than ever. The dictionary defines “family” as a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether living together or apart (dictionary.com). This definition suggests that family involves both children and adults, hinting at a hierarchical structure where children depend on adults for their well-being and development. It also underscores the relationship between adults as fundamental to how children understand relationships, making adults responsible for modelling healthy behaviours and life choices.

In this article, I will explore a few of the fundamental gifts and pillars of a healthy family and how these serve as windows to the world for those fortunate enough to be part of one. I will qualify my reason for describing the family as a blessing. From my interactions with children and adults, I’ve learned that some express deep gratitude for being part of a positive and healthy family. Others feel they were denied the opportunity to grow in such an environment. I hope that we can reflect on the kind of family we should aspire to create and understand its significance in shaping a better world for all of us.

Family creates a place of belonging 

As a mother of three and someone who grew up in a large extended family with siblings and many cousins, one fundamental aspect I’ve learned about family is the sense of belonging it provides. Based on my experience, our first awareness of being part of a group begins at home. When a family creates a sense of belonging for its members, they feel rooted and emotionally safe. This starts with the adults, who begin to cultivate a sense of safety and belonging when they foster and model security in their own relationships. 

Freedom to express joy or frustration with family gives us the confidence to be authentic. At the heart of this experience is a sense of safety and care, knowing we won’t be judged for being ourselves. 

Family blog quote

Another example of belonging and family, provided by a young person I mentor, is the feeling of being validated and caring for one another. This, in turn, helps them appreciate relationships and leads them to want to eventually create a similar structure. 

Key characteristics of a family where everyone feels a sense of belonging include acceptance and inclusion, where individuals feel safe being themselves and are appreciated. Shared experiences, consistency in how family members relate to and rely on one another, and a sense of safety in each other’s presence all contribute to this feeling. Additionally, belonging is strengthened when each person contributes to the family’s well-being and is acknowledged and valued. 

Family is the first book of life bound by love 

As a bookworm, I like to think of family as a book that offers life lessons and shapes the members’ worldview through its teachings. The adults in the family—their relationships and actions—are like the book’s chapters, providing critical lessons for the children in their care. Based on my experience and that of my peers, I would divide this book into four key areas with love as the thread that binds each chapter: 1, Dignity, Respect and moral compass; 2. Faith and spiritual development 3. Healthy Relationships and Social Skills 4. Construction of the world view. 

While it may not cover every aspect of family life, I highlight some as central to my understanding of family and reflect my observations of children who carry these lessons into their choices. Although I won’t elaborate on how children often bring fresh and unique perspectives to life, I want to acknowledge that they can be great teachers for adults, especially when they are given a safe space to ask questions and express their thoughts. 

Family shapes the sense of self and dignity with a moral compass 

A well-run family offers values for developing and leading a worthy life deserved by all. It teaches lessons on how to discern right from wrong. For example, it is in the family that a child first learns that lying or stealing is unacceptable. In their formative years, children learn if it is okay to share feelings and/or confess wrongdoings. Their parents’ reaction will determine their future course of action. 

They also learn to respect themselves and others by setting boundaries and caring for their health and well-being. One adverse effect of adults not setting correct examples in these areas is that children lose the opportunity to develop the ability or skills to navigate or choose things or relationships that are good for them, making them vulnerable in their external surroundings. 

Family offers the first lessons on faith and spiritual development 

Drawing from my example, one of the best gifts I received from my family was my faith. My parents played a crucial role in developing my spiritual foundation and personal relationship with God. 

As parents, my husband and I draw from our own experiences of growing up with evening family prayers as a central part of our lives, though we’ve made some adjustments. As we continue this tradition in our household, we view it as a way of passing on the faith we received in our childhood to our children. We all appreciate the check-in time we’ve added to our prayer routine, which offers moments for reflection, fellowship, or even the chance to discuss or debate something one of us feels strongly about. I believe this practice is essential to the well-being of our family. 

Family is where one should learn healthy relationships and social skills 

Many of us can agree that one of the first lessons we learn in a communal family setting is the importance of community and social bonds. Our internal familial relationships give us the confidence and encouragement to seek friendships and social connections without fear. Looking back, I believe this was where we first learned to mirror external relationships, respect different perspectives, and appreciate various communication styles. 

No one goes through life without experiencing conflict, grief, or mistakes—these are inherent to being human. Our response to adversity often reflects the skills learned from our earliest social unit: the family. 

Family is where we first learn to communicate, forming the foundation for how we interact with the world. It’s also where we learn to cope with difficulties, and our responses outside the home often replicate the behaviours modelled by the adults around us, for better or worse. 

In today’s increasingly diverse world, how we encounter people, cultures, and beliefs different from our own is primarily shaped by the lessons we first learn and observe at home. 

Family is the first window to the world 

The family shapes the initial worldview, influencing how a person engages with the world and treats all of creation. 

Interacting with young people and couples often reminds me of how the adults in their lives shaped their understanding of the world. I see two distinct perspectives among them. Some are deeply sensitive and dedicated to the common good, feeling responsible for the well-being of their friends, neighbours, and community. Others view the world as existing primarily for their own needs, with loyalty confined to their immediate circle. Both mindsets reflect what they learned from their families about their responsibility to themselves and the world. 

Family is where a child first learns to value or ignore their role in building a shared humanity. When families model generosity and reciprocity beyond their homes, they teach children the importance of interconnectedness and equality rather than a hierarchy of values. 

In sum, we all recognize and appreciate that a healthy and solid family structure is critical for a healthy and solid society, and we are responsible for creating and supporting one where people grow and thrive. In offering gratitude for families, I am also acutely aware of the need to intentionally pray for families to be a place of belonging where people learn, grow, find their God-given purpose on earth and become a gift to the rest of the world. 

“And whoever does not provide for relatives and especially family members has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim 5:8). 

-Originally published in https://lightoftruth.in 

The Life of a Sunflower and Its Example of Humility

Sunflower farm

Dr. Agnes Thomas 

“Humility, however deep it be, neither disquiets nor troubles nor disturbs the soul; it is accompanied by peace, joy and tranquillity.” Theresa of Avila

Sunflowers are lovely; they rise high and stand tall in suitable soil. What I admire most about sunflowers is their beauty and how their bright colour can lift the observer’s spirits. But what makes them truly special to me is the reminder they carry. Every time I see a sunflower, I am reminded of the virtue of humility, especially regarding relationships. Allow me to expand. Let me explain how these plants remind me of the virtue of humility and what they can teach us about relationships grounded in humility. For example, a sunflower takes approximately two to three months from seed to bloom; that is an entire season and the lifespan of that plant. A single sunflower has roughly a thousand seeds in it, and they are highly nutritious when fully ripened. If vital life relationships were like sunflowers, able to be planted and nurtured for the duration of their life, they, too, would be a beautiful bloom to watch. Similarly, when properly nurtured, relationships produce many fruits that can nourish all those around. So, in this brief reflection, I aim to examine what we can learn from the sunflower and how humility serves as a pillar for good relationships.

A fully bloomed sunflower head is slightly bent as if offering itself to the world in praise and glory for its life. It reminds me of many great people who led and contributed much to the world, having that posture of humility instead of pride and an “I am above everybody” attitude. The sunflower offers a lesson in how we should position ourselves. When in glory and filled with the seeds of life, like our gifts, talents, and positions of influence in our private and public lives, we must remember that our calling in life is to serve others. We are in relationships not to seek dominance or compete but to be present.


I used to think humility meant living in the shadows and making others believe you are less than them. However, from experience and the many good people who influenced my life journey, I learned humility is about acknowledging and accepting the truth of who we are. False humility can be disastrous for us and others; it shows us that if you pretend to be something else or feel obliged to, you are either in the wrong place with the wrong crowd or not self-aware.


We all know it is easier to live, work and participate in projects with humble people. So, what makes humble individuals so appealing? They are easy to be around, open to learning, and accepting of both perfection and imperfection. They constantly seek ways to grow and are comfortable with their humanity. Whether in personal or professional relationships, we all want to be at ease and respected for who we are. Humility enables us to connect with others in a way that is both desirable and authentic, much like the sunflower.


As Mother Theresa famously said, “If you are humble, nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.” A humble person is self-aware; a self-aware person knows their flaws and gifts. In relationships, they accept others for who they are without trying to prove superiority or foster unnecessary competition. Their self-awareness allows them to be open to learning and growing with others, understanding there is always room for improvement. Humble people are not swayed by fame or shame, success or failure; they remain grounded and content with themselves, like the bright sunflower—always pleasant.

Another gift that humility brings to relationships is mutual respect and a high regard for others. Like the sunflower, which stands tall in a garden alongside different plants, a humble person remains confident without being clingy. Sometimes, I feel that this plant offers a perfect meditation on worship, as a graceful offering of gratitude to our Creator. The sunflower is beautiful and serene, unaffected by its surroundings, constantly striving to be present.

A relationship founded on humility fosters mutual respect, learning, and gratitude. This foundation leads to peace and spreads goodness in the world. Like the sunflower, humility radiates joy and light.
 

-Originally published in https://lightoftruth.in 

Human Dignity and the Call of the Gospel

From her experience living with the L’Arche community, she writes about human dignity and Christ’s teachings on it.

Dr. Agnes Thomas

I began to understand and explore the concept of human dignity as a core value when I started living in the community of L’Archei. Understanding what it means to uphold your dignity, dignified behaviours, etc., was commonplace in terms of growing up. However, I later realised that the notion of dignity was often intertwined with social constructs like class, caste, gender, occupation, and abilities. It was not seen as an inherent quality possessed by all humansii but rather as something earned or inherited, placing individuals in a hierarchical or social order. L’Arche offers a different worldview by organising community life where people with and without disabilities live together, sharing everyday life and work. This inclusive design removes barriers to participation, ensuring that everyone has a role to play. At L’Arche, upholding the value of human dignity is not just an aspiration but a way of life. While I am not seeking to idealise L’Arche as I acknowledge that the community has its drawbacks, I do want  to share a few characteristics of community life that are transformational for people who are open to taking a long look at themselves and dare to ask how we treat the world and people who are not like us.

Reflecting on my experiences a couple of decades later, various themes emerged as I began to critically examine the notion of human dignity from the lens of a believer, social scientist, and social justice advocate. In this article, I will share some of the themes and experiences that influenced me over the years. I will also address the questions that I am challenged with and that still influence my choices and leadership practices, that involve humans from all walks of life, particularly people facing disparities and living on the margins of our societies. The key questions we will reflect on are: What do we mean by human dignity, and can we find examples in the teachings of Christ? How does a community like L’Arche provide us with tools to assess our own views and assumptions of human dignity? What can we learn from the L’Arche example, and how do we apply our learning in our everyday lives?

Two accidental sublime discoveries shaped different periods of my life: my time in the communities of L’Arche and my discovery of Catholic Social Teaching (CST). At L’Arche, I encountered people with intellectual disabilities for the first time. Admittedly, I was unfamiliar with this aspect of life and had never met anyone with disabilities. To say it was a shock is an understatement. However, once I realized that there was no turning back, life quickly turned into a journey that had me ‘joyriding’ with my new friends. There was a lot of learning and unlearning, and some of it included learning to hold the moments as they defined a new understanding and outlook on life. Other learnings included acknowledging the graces that seeped  through one’s being to embrace the sacredness of life that was unfolding in front of them. The first few years provided a lens through which to understand the world from the perspective of people who were often rejected and excluded from participating in community. Many were denied of existence. I realized then why I had never met a person with disabilities and why no one ever talked about people with disabilities.

One question I had during those early years was why, if we are all made in the image of God, are some accepted and considered ‘normal’ while others are rejected and deemed unfit? It seemed contradictory to Genesis 1:27, the very first book of the Bible: So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

L’Arche offers the gift of discovering a way of life within a community where genuine relationships of mutual care and respect are nurtured. Through early friendships in the community, I was able to experience the unique gifts of individuals and came to truly understand the meaning of the word ‘created in the image of God.’ The life of and relationships in the community become an instrument for understanding why the majority of the world misses the opportunity to experience the riches of diverse gifts of some people, especially if they lack a high transactional value. Life in the community offers an antithesis to what it means to be successful. It reveals the beauty of life and people in the most mundane things, living and owning life as a celebration, and at times, causing big chaos, but always knowing and accepting life as sacred and worthy of being lived and celebrated with all of its vulnerabilities and strengths. The most important lesson here for me was that the gift of people is revealed to us when we accept them for who they are and for their capacity to help us transform into better humans. These experiences led me to understand the Beatitudes (Matthew, 5:1-12) and the Gospel’s core teachings, which challenge us and offer clear guidance for a life of righteousness, grace, and compassion.

The core principle of Catholic Social Teaching (CST) is upholding human dignity, and L’Arche embodies this fundamental truth. When I discovered CST, I saw how its teachings are naturally applied at L’Arche. This is how life is at L’Arche.  L’Arche offers four key lessons about human dignity as articulated in CST: the right to life and relationships, the sanctity of every person, the opportunity to participate in community and work within one’s ability, and access to dignified care. For example, meaningful participation is ensured by having the opportunity to work with your hands. Life is organised in the community, with opportunities to create, learn, and produce together and sometimes earn a small wage for spending or keeping in the bank. For some community members, having the opportunity to work in or outside the community and earn a salary is significant as it allows them to contribute to the community and add value. I remember Peter, a retired worker from one of the communities where I lived, saying, ‘Having the opportunity to work gives me respect, and I have something to look forward to when I get up in the morning; I don’t want to be stuck in my room all day, and that is not fair for anyone.’

Of course, this isn’t an option for everyone. Adam, who is nonverbal and uses a wheelchair, found working outside the community challenging.

However, he enjoyed being the greeter and helping in the candle-making workshop or gardening with assistance. There is always something for people to participate in, which I believe is essential to living and upholding the dignity of each individual in the most real way.

Reflecting on my years living and working with people at L’Arche, I can attest that we all carry immense power and potential to transform the world into a better place. No one is less than the other as we are all created in the image of God. When we deny the chance of the other to fully live, we deny ourselves an opportunity to encounter the mystery and gift of life that each person has to offer. Treating one another with dignity and respect is imperative, and that starts with us; if we don’t practise and demonstrate these values in our daily interactions — like how we respond to someone seeking help at our door or to those who demand lots of our time and attention within our vicinity — we remind ourselves and others of what we genuinely value and prioritise. Beyond our homes, how we conduct our work and interact with others, especially those we lead or who differ from us in values, reveals whether we truly uphold dignity as a core value. In our communities and cities, our responses to those who are displaced or struggling with poverty or addiction reflect our collective commitment to human dignity. On a broader scale, we can assess our social systems by examining how well they ensure access to education, clean water, healthcare, housing, and essential services. When these needs are met, we can affirm that human dignity is a guiding priority in our society.

Pope John XXIII, in his encyclical Pacem in Terris, emphasised respecting the rights of every person as essential for peace. A deeper look at the root cause of all chaos, wars, and calamities around the world reveals that it all began from the breakdown or absence of respect for human dignity. When we learn to treat each other with dignity despite our differences in abilities, strengths, values, and socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds, we will begin to see humans as sacred gifts. The absence of dignity and respect leads to the absence of love, peace, and joy. We all have the power to be a source of hope and change and to be a true instrument designed to respond to the call of the Gospel – to love and to be loved so all can live in harmony, and the brokenness of the world can be healed.

References:

i L’Arche: We are people with and without intellectual disabilities, sharing life in communities belonging to an International Federation. Mutual relationships and trust in God are at the heart of our journey together. We celebrate the unique value of every person and recognise our need of one another. https://www.larche.org/about-larche/

ii Human Dignity: https://www.vatican.va/content/catechism/en/part_three/section_one/chapter_one.html

Article credit: Kairos Global, September 2024- A Catholic magazine for youth and young families published by Jesus Youth, an International Catholic Movement approved by the Holy See.

 

The Gift of Suffering

Lent brings forth reflections on suffering, the cross, and other sacrificial aspects of life and love more profoundly than any other time of the year for me. Therefore, I am sharing a few thoughts on suffering, what I have learned, and how it continues to influence my life. While none of this is new, I am keenly aware of our tendency to avoid pain and suffering as much as possible, sometimes at the hefty cost of not accepting life in its fullness. Our desire to evade suffering often leads us to make mediocre decisions that may have consequences for us, those around us and the generations that follow us. For example, our inclination to avoid difficult conversations and close an eye on injustice in our community are some everyday choices we make to avoid pain/discomfort. Understandably, no one wishes to embrace suffering as a joyful gift, as did the early saints whose lives were marked by pain and suffering, as well as immense hope and joy. Drawing inspiration from The Passion Week and the Crucifixion, I seek to explore how our lives are intertwined with suffering and the everyday joys of life. What does the suffering on the cross and the agony in the garden teach us?

One of the first lessons I took from Passion Week is the acknowledgement of the impending pain and suffering that awaited Jesus on the cross; the agony in the garden makes it real for us. The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that it is the reason we are afraid of pain and suffering. The crucifixion of Christ serves as a reminder that suffering often makes you feel isolated, abandoned, and afraid that you will not have the strength to endure the trials. Sometimes, we want to give up rather than go through it, and that is when Jesus offers light and hope with his prayer in the garden and reveals humanity in suffering.

Jesus’ approach demonstrates how accepting rather than escaping the pain and suffering can lead to something greater. However, to see beyond the obvious, one must have faith, hope, and patience to recognize the life lessons learned from the experience. Acknowledging pain and suffering as an integral aspect of life enables us to overcome the fear of obstacles that could derail our plans, impede our growth, and deter us from taking risks or confronting life changes.

Another lesson and gift from the cross is that it pushes us to expand our perspective beyond our boundaries. It beckons us toward greatness and illuminates our purpose on earth as interconnected with the rest of humanity. Just as a diamond is refined through fire, a life that embraces and traverses suffering, discerning its purpose, radiates light upon the world. The lives of saints and countless leaders who preceded us serve as testaments to this truth, as they left lasting marks on the world through their life choices and sacrifices.

Apart from the theological and religious significance of Jesus’s death and resurrection on the cross, it offers many transformative lessons for everyday people who may not engage with the deeper religious connotations. It reveals our inherent humanity, fragility, and the ultimate sacrifice one can make for another. In our daily choices, when we strive to positively impact others through our actions and existence, whether for family members, children, neighbours, colleagues, or the broader collective good, we acknowledge the potential for pain and alienation. This acceptance of pain and suffering also teaches us to confront our fears and silence the negative voices that hinder us from overcoming harmful addictions, addressing lingering hurts, forgiving those who have wronged us, letting go of toxic relationships, etc.

In essence, the Death on the Cross is not merely a great example of pain and suffering, but rather an invitation to live and embrace life fully, with unconditional love and a commitment to “love your neighbor as yourself” even amidst life’s hardships. It is about living for and with others, enriching our existence with empathy and compassion and offering hope to the world. By embracing this truth, we impart an invaluable gift upon our children and future generations: the realization that life is a delicate balance between despair and joy, presenting opportunities for personal growth and fostering a deeper love and care for humanity.